Survival of the Idiots
by Arctic Banana
Summary: Sunstreaker and Sideswipe find themselves somehow lost in a forest that they don't remember ever going to.


I wrote this solely to pass the time during a free period of class today. I wasn't going to submit this because for one, it's so short, and for two, this has got to be one of the dumbest things I've ever written, but apparently, my friends think it's too funny to be kept to myself, so here it is.

* * *

"Where are we?" Sunstreaker asked.

"I don't know..." his brother replied.

They both looked around, observing the camping supplies littering the ground. They didn't remember ever going camping... This was a strange-looking forest that they were in. They didn't remember ever seeing it before. How'd they even end up lost? It just didn't make any sense...

"Sunstreaker, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore..." Sideswipe said.

"I didn't know we ever were in Kansas, Sideswipe," Sunstreaker responded.

"How do you know that? You don't even know where we are now! We could be somewhere in Lithuania for all we know," Sideswipe pointed out. He picked up a sleeping bag at his feet. "Oh wait... This says "Made in Taiwan". We must be in Taiwan."

"Where's Taiwan?"

"I don't know... Lithuania?" They both sat on the cold, hard ground and scooted close to each other. Sideswipe shivered. "It's cold here, Sunstreaker..."

"Here, have this thermal camping blanket that's marked on sale for $9.99," Sunstreaker held out a blanket to him. Sideswipe wrapped the blanket around himself and scooted up against his brother's side. "Siders... What are you doing? Move over!"

"But you're all warm!" he protested. With a persuasive shove, Sunstreaker pushed him over. "Fine, if you want me to freeze!"

They both sat silently for a while, staring at the strange-looking trees. "I'm hungry," Sunstreaker noticed. Sideswipe agreed. "What do we do?"

"We're in a forest... There's gotta be something we can eat," Sideswipe pointed out. "Let's go hunting."

After coating themselves with a fine layer of washable, spray-on camouflage paint that Sunstreaker found in one of the odd-looking trees, they went stalking the bizarre wildlife living in the forest. They came across a little one, separated from its herd, and moved in slowly.

"What kind of animal is this?" Sideswipe asked. "Do you think it's edible?" He poked it in the head. The animal let out a high-pitched shriek in response.

"Sideswipe, you broke it!" Sunstreaker jumped back. "Run! The herd's coming to defend it!" They took off running, screaming, through the forest.

They plopped down against some trees. "I'm still hungry, Streaker," Sideswipe complained. That's when they saw it... One of the animals was sitting in a tree, not paying attention. "What about that one? Can we eat that one?"

"If we can catch it... But how do we kill it?" Sunstreaker asked.

"Oh here, we'll just shoot it with this." Sideswipe handed his brother a Nerf gun. He had one just like it in his other hand.

"Where did this come from?"

"...I found it..."

Sunstreaker shrugged it off. They both slowly took aim, and fired. The darts hit the animal and knocked it out of the tree. They quickly cheered (or rather screeched like a couple of howler monkeys), snatched up their victim, and ran back to their campsite to dine on its innards.

After they finished eating, they both fell asleep against one of the trees. Sunstreaker woke up first, having heard something unsettling. "Sideswipe... Did you hear that?"

"What?" Sideswipe asked sleepily.

"Something just called our names..." They both listened carefully. Somewhere in the outer reaches of the forest, someone called their names.

"Oh shit... It knows our names!" Sideswipe whimpered. They both quickly clung to each other as the disembodied voice in the forest called them again.

"Sideswipe, if we die, I just want you to know that I love you!" Sunstreaker said.

"Sunstreaker, if we die, I just want you to know that it was me that wrote the word "whore" on your door last week!" Sideswipe replied.

"What?! That was you?! Why the hell did you do that?!" he demanded.

"Because "prostitute" was too long and didn't fit," the red one explained.

They started screaming when something tapped on their legs and looked down to see what it was. A Wal*Mart employee stared up at them, looking annoyed. "Your friend's been calling you! Answer him so he'll stop screaming across the store!" he said before walking away grumbling.

They both looked up and happily pounced on Prowl as he emerged from the forest. "Prowl! Where were you?!" Sunstreaker asked.

"I was over in the next aisle! Geez, I can't even turn my back on you two for five minutes, and already I'm hearing people talking about two idiot robots dressed in camouflage running through the store screaming, scaring babies, and shooting at chip bags with Nerf guns!" Prowl replied.

"Wait, so you mean we aren't in a forest in Taiwan?" Sideswipe asked.

"Sideswipe, you're standing in the outdoors department of a Wal*Mart superstore!" he snapped.

"Oh..." they both said in unison as they began to follow Prowl through the store.

"This is the last time I take you in with me when we stop at Wal*Mart," Prowl sighed.


End file.
